What is the one thing that brings most joy to your life? For me, it is ballroom dancing. And it took me a while to figure that out! In this post, I want to share 3 things I learned from ballroom dancing.

But let's go back to when the new chapter of my life started. It will soon be three years that a Kahuna massage changed my life. I have been on a journey of exploration and self-discovery ever since. I have learned what it means to have the courage to step out of my comfort zone; I have learned that vulnerability and courage go hand in hand; I have learned to have faith that the Universe will sort it all out; and I have learned that I can trust my feminine intuition and surrender to life’s perfection.

Along the way, I lost a few friends, and I found new ones; a new tribe, as it turned out. Every time, I was looking for a solution, the Universe sent someone my way. After a while, I realized that these people are very different to the ones I used to hang out with in the past. I realized that they are my soul family.

Dare to Dance

In 2018, I started ballroom dancing and quickly knew that this is the one thing that brings most joy to my life and that I had found my soul family. When my initial dance instructor got injured after five month dancing with me, I was looking for a new teacher within the school. One day, the owner of the school told me about a new instructor, who had recently started teaching, so I booked my first lesson with him.

Ten minutes into the lesson, I knew that this man was sent into my life for a reason. I instantly felt a connection to him, maybe because of our joint European background. I felt like I had known him for a long time. It reminded me of the feeling when I first met the Kahuna therapist in December 2016.

I have been dancing with this instructor for over a year now and he turned out to be the best teacher any student can wish for. Not only is he an outstanding dancer, but also a wonderful person to hang out with. He keeps pushing me to my limits and sometimes out of my comfort zone. I have learned so much from him and improved my dancing significantly.

All the time, I was wondering why the Universe had sent him my way. What was he here to teach me besides the steps in Waltz, Tango, and Foxtrot? What was his higher purpose?

Change your Life

It was only recently, while attending a 7-day NLP training, called Create an Amazing Life, that I found the answer. I literally had a light bulb moment sitting in the bus on my way home from dance school one evening after the course. As often after dancing, I felt so happy that it made me teary. And then, I saw it so clearly that everything I learned in ballroom dancing was exactly how I want to feel in a romantic relationship – the topic we had discussed during the NLP training that day. And that it was my dance teacher who made me aware of it!

I remembered Elizabeth Gilbert's definition of a soul mate written down in my journal:

"A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake."

I know it may sound crazy for some people, especially non-dancers, and, therefore, I invite you to keep reading.

These are the three things I learned from my dance instructor about ballroom dancing (and romantic relationships):

Let the man take the lead and hold your own frame

Dancing is a partnership not a dictatorship. However, one person leads, the other follows. I love the feeling in ballroom dancing when my instructor reaches out his left arm and invites me to come towards him. I take his left hand and lean my body towards him, while he is putting his right hand on my back to support me. Then, I place my left hand lightly on his right arm. Which means, I am connected to him and hold my own frame at the same time. In this closed dance position, I feel safe, supported, and respected. And I know that I can trust him 100 percent when he leads me across the dance floor. I surrender and enjoy the moment.

Dance from the heart

In our society these days, women are expected to be strong and independent to be able to compete with the guys out there. We try everything to prove our worth in a masculine society. Unfortunately, we forget about our innate, feminine super power: our feminine energy, our intuition, and our ability to surrender and just ‘be’. As a result, we are unhappy and feel miserable.

In ballroom dancing, it is the same. Dancing from the head prevents us from ‘feeling’ the music and expressing ourselves creatively. I admit I am still struggling with this concept. As a result, I make mistakes and get frustrated. I don’t know how often my teacher said: “Stop thinking. Relax, and dance from your heart.” Well, I am curious to feel the shift after the NLP training I just finished.

Respect your partner’s space

Dancing teaches you a lot about respect. Respect for each other’s space, for example. Both, leader and follower, have their own dance frame, which both partners respect. They dance together as a couple while respecting each other’s space. Dancing is a great analogy for every day life and how men and women should treat each other. How often do we not set boundaries in our relationships and pave the way for misunderstanding, resentment and conflict?


I can see very clearly now why my marriage didn’t last. And I am also very clear about what I want in a future relationship. Thanks to my dance teacher!

Can anyone relate to this?

I would love to hear your thoughts! Please comment below.

And if you’re at a crossroad in your life and looking for change, let’s have a conversation! I help women build online businesses in the health and wellness industry to make the rest of your life the best of your life.

A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

Elizabeth Gilbert


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